Timmy and the Mysterious Cow of Death: A Story of Love, Violence and Shame (fuck you TALSO)

[Felixlynch777]

This right here is a story told in screenshots. A story that'll have a profound emotional impact on you.




Meet Sgt.Timmy, the US Marine badass.




He's on his trusty steed, when he sees something suspicious.




Sgt Timmy: "Dafuq?"




Sgt Timmy: "FUCK YOU GANGSTA NO COWS ALLOWED UP IN DIS BITCH!"

Timmy finds a note on the dead cow that says, "Priests planning to molest innocent Russian peasant woman, must save her Timmy. DO IT FOR AMEERIKUH (fuck yeah)." So Timmy heads as fast as he can to stop the evil priests. He soon spots the perverted bastards:




Sgt Timmy: "Shit just got real."




Look at those sick fucks, leering at her jean-clad ass. Luckily Sgt Timmy, of the 203rd US IAM Division 2194174727, Fort Bragg, South Dakota, USA, is here to save the day.




Sgt Timmy: "Lulz I got a quad spray"




He remembers his training, fire when prone




Sgt Timmy: GET SOME NIGGA




Finally, all was quiet. Timmy had slain the would-be rapist priests. And after all that shooting those 5.66mm rounds, he felt like shooting some rounds from his 6 inch barrel (if you know what I mean).



Sgt Timmy: "Lol can I put my pen0r inside your vag cake?"
Russian Slut: "Я люблю черепах"
Sgt Timmy: "AWW HELL NAW, IT'S ON NOW BITCH"




Those bloodstains will take forever to get out :/.




With Russian Slut dead, Timmy had mixed feelings and emotions. Anger, fear, regret and anxiety. But one feeling overrode all of those. The need to shoot his load. He gingerly unzipped his fly.....




...and performed heinous acts on the corpse of Russian Slut.




Sgt Timmy: "Br0z, Imma tbagging like in Halo!"




.......




I'M YOUR TURBO LOVER, TELL ME THERE'S NO OTHER


After about 15 seconds, Timmy was finished. He looked upon the bodies of those he had shot, whose life force he had taken away. He had become death, the destroyer of souls. The only thing Timmy felt as the rounds hit their target was recoil. He was lifeless. They say that after every kill it gets easier and easier to kill even more. Head sunken, the young Marine walked away, the blood of those he had killed slowly forming around their lifeless bodies. Timmy remembered what his Father had told him the day before he enlisted. Remembering those sacred words bought a lone tear to the cold eyes of Sgt Timmy. Suddenly it all made sense now. Those words were:




PIMP BITCHES GET MONEY



THE END

[Biggles]

Suing you for plagiarism.

Being American, it's my natural reaction to such a blatant cut-and-paste of TALSO.

Barring, of course, Timmy's unhealthy fixation with fucking dead things.

[BeazelWeasel]

And after all that shooting those 5.66mm rounds

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Felixlynch777]

@Bigglits TALSO was an inspiration yes, but Timmy is way out of TALSO's league.

@Beazer Stop being so pedantic. I'm the only one around here allowed to be pedantic.

@Val Yes, the emotional impact of the story does hit you very hard. I actually cried after reading it.

[BeazelWeasel]

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